Hollywood churns out so many bad movies one would think that it is done like an assembly line. However, assembly lines build good, new, impressive looking cars for the most part. 10,000 B.C. is like a car that was made from other car parts that do not go together. Not only do you get a bad car, you get a horrid looking and useless product with money spent on it that could have gone to something else worth making. It is a cliche ridden epic that is one of the worst films that has been ever made.
The film follows a young hunter's journey to find his kidnapped lover. Like we all haven't heard that before. That's it in a nutshell. Explaining the plot would be taking up useful space to tear this film to pieces.
Where to start. The film is directed by Roland Emmerich, who is by no means a bad director, but not a good one either. His past films include The Patriot, Independence Day, and The Day After Tomorrow. They are not excellent cinematic excursions, but the films serve the purpose to entertain. Emmerich's goal with this film does not seem to entertain, but to try to immerse us with inane scenes that are supposed to be profound and philosophical in some way. Instead, they read like the kid who always raises his or her hand in class to say something smart while they come across looking like an idiot actually. The action scenes themselves are of little concern for the most part. Yes, they are fun to look at. However, the film should be more than mere action scenes if it wants to be a good film. And ironically, the action scenes are so short, perhaps they shouldn't even be considered action scenes.
Where to start. The film is directed by Roland Emmerich, who is by no means a bad director, but not a good one either. His past films include The Patriot, Independence Day, and The Day After Tomorrow. They are not excellent cinematic excursions, but the films serve the purpose to entertain. Emmerich's goal with this film does not seem to entertain, but to try to immerse us with inane scenes that are supposed to be profound and philosophical in some way. Instead, they read like the kid who always raises his or her hand in class to say something smart while they come across looking like an idiot actually. The action scenes themselves are of little concern for the most part. Yes, they are fun to look at. However, the film should be more than mere action scenes if it wants to be a good film. And ironically, the action scenes are so short, perhaps they shouldn't even be considered action scenes.
Unfortunately for Mr. Emmerich, he has to get pounded twice as he also co-wrote the script, which is the worst thing about this film. The script is a mishmash of so many cliches it borders on plagiarism. One thousand monkeys on one thousand typewriters could create a better screenplay, even on their worst day. Cliche #1: You have the old, wrinkly, wise sage (a female sage in this film) that has blurry visions and spills out prophesies with wide eyes and a foreboding voice. She sees everything and knows everything. We've seen that a thousand times before and this is one thousandth and first time we see it. Cliche #2: The "meaningful deaths." Usually on these adventure films, the main character is supported by a band of friends. What winds up happening is a few of them die. As we all know, they don't just die, they have to give a structured monologue about something or other. That happens in this film too often. Cliche #3: Horrendous dialogue. Why is that a cliche? Because it happens too often in films. You have everything from the main character comparing his girlfriend to the moon to talking to a rabid sabre-tooth tiger. It boggles how someone actually was sitting at a typewriter and thought "Hm, this is profound."
Wait. But there is one good thing about the film: the ending. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean that the ending has a nice (and the only good) action scene. It's enough to get a filler of a twenty minute action scene.
Alas, this is simply put one of the worst films that I have ever seen. Period
Rating: 2/10
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